Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
