just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize