Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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