my phone needs a breathalizer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
