Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
