Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
