is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
