Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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