Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
