I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
