took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
