I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
