My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
