I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
