Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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