Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
