just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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