i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
