Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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