The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
