Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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