she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
