the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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