During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
