I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
