he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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