He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
