i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Princesses don't give blow jobs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
