my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
