so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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