They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
