when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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