Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
