Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize