his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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