You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wear drunk well.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
