I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
