i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
