she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
