I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
