Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize