Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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