My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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