i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
