please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
