chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
