We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
