And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
