Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My legs feel like baby dolphins
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
