1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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