Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
