i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
