it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
