I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
