Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
