You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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