I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
