Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
