The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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