Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
