cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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