so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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