chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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