Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize