He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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