i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
