Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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