I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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