Apparently you make a good broom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
