Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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