My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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