Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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