We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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