You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize