I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We had sex on a dog bed..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
