I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
