1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pants are for mortals
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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