If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
