I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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