I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
