Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
