I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do vagina's smell?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
