Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
don't judge my taste in strippers
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
