Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize