Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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