I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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