I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
