Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I did not marry a roomba.
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