I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
